I have been on a dating hiatus for going on three months, where I have intentionally been focusing on my relationship with God and my purpose without being romantically involved with anyone. This is significant because I have pretty much dated my entire adult life. God put it on my heart after a dating disappointment a couple of months ago to take a break from dating.
I shared in the last post about moves I have made since being on this hiatus and about how God has started speaking to me about ministry endeavors, insights, and his purposes for my life. After meeting with my church friends via Zoom yesterday, I continued exploring the topic discussed in the meeting with God about my commitment fears. I opened to God and began to ponder them while also asking God to bless me to trust Him with those areas of concern. The fears stemmed from childhood hurts and even disappointments I had experienced in dating. Again, I casted my cares to God and I thought that was it; but then the Lord put a burden on my heart.
He showed me the mistakes I had made when I was dating. He began to show me how I had hurt the men I allowed to pursue me even though I knew I couldn’t see a future with them…. Ouch! I began to feel sad and wanted to justify the reason I had ghosted them and cut the relationship off. The Lord told me how I still owed them an apology because most men don’t open to women easily and showed me how I shouldn’t have allowed many of them to pursue me when I had come to know I could not see a future with them. God then told me to reach out and apologize to them. I was like, “really God? You want me to reach out to these men who I’m sure have moved on, to apologize?!” and God was like, “yep”.
Talk about a feeling of awkwardness and vulnerability!!!!! So I was obedient! I went to my blocked list, messaged one, and then got on Facebook and messaged the other two! I didn’t instantly feel relief, as a matter of fact that was a little uneasy for me but I wanted to be obedient. I’m not sure what’s on the other side of me being obedient and finally reaching out to the guys of the past but it feels good to clear the air. I also have been ghosted by a guy who hurt me bad who was not mature enough to apologize or hold himself accountable, so I didn’t want to be that person either. I heard back from two of them within the hour and they accepted my apology. The other one I don’t think gets on Facebook often but I feel it’ll be good as he had written me a few weeks ago to see how I was doing. I further repented to God for my past dating mistakes and stringing some of those guys along when I knew I was not interested in the long term.
I am thankful I serve a forgiving, loving God who holds me accountable and I pray that whoever is reading this inspired to mend any unsolved issues. If not for your sake but for God’s sake. The bible also says in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone”. In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus also says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sis. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift”.
God wants us to live at peace with all men and to reconcile with one another. I will also say that if God does not burden your heart to do so then do not worry about this because some people need to stay in the past, or perhaps you’re not there yet to have the conversation. However, if he has put it on your heart, ask for forgiveness from God, forgive yourself, and then apologized to whomever. If they accept or do not accept your apology at least you know that you were obedient. In a society that is all about “cutting people off” and treating people like they are disposable it is divine to apologize and seek reconciliation.
